Two new poems by Amanda Weeks


They said she was a witch –
The old woman at number forty-nine,
So we never played ball near her house
Or chased her cat.
The crowd outside the chip shop
Moved when she appeared,
She never said “excuse me”
Like everyone else.

When I fell over, running past her house
She heard my scream.
I shivered when I saw her
And dreaded the torture that
She was bound to give me.
I couldn’t run and couldn’t shout.
“That’s foot’s broken,” she said.
She helped me inside, sat me down
And gave me her phone.
Whilst I phoned my mother
She put a bag of frozen peas on my foot
And stuck a lollipop in my mouth.
“Don’t tell anyone I was nice to you, mind,” she said.
“People think I’m evil and I like the peace and quiet.”

Now, as I try in vain to finish my script,
Kids running up and down the street
Shouting, spitting and swearing,
I’m half tempted to start a rumour
Just like old Agnes did.
Then maybe they’d fuck off.

Lucky Bastard

I’ve never found my G-spot
Or a diet that works
Or exercise that isn’t hard work
Or a work/life balance
Or wrinkle cream that works
Or a car that drives like a dream
That you could park on a stamp.
I’ve never had a stress-free Christmas
Or a worry-free holiday
Or interest-free credit
Or a hassle-free loan
Or a boredom-free job.
Or diet food that doesn’t taste like shit
Or tablets that are easy to swallow
Or tampons that make me feel sporty
Or shower gel that invigorates
Or a comfortable bra
Or underwear that’s slimming
Or ladder-resist tights
Or chip-free nail varnish
Or waterproof mascara
That can be removed without diesel.
Or watched a film which changed my life
Or listened to music which changed my life
Or read a book which changed my life
Or taken a flight without patronising cabin crew.
And if you have, you’re a lucky bastard.

Amanda Weeks lives in Pontypridd, South Wales with husband Carlos,
four-year-old son Travis and a cat called Rita. She began writing eight
years ago when, at 27, she decided to pack in her job as a collector,
invent a pile of A levels and study creative writing and drama at
university. She has had several short stories published in anthologies.
She has written for several music magazines. Her Welsh-language
screenplay Catastroffi was
broadcast on S4C in 2006, and she's had a further two screenplays
optioned to Tornado Films. She recently came third in the Welsh Poetry
Competition. She is currently writing a novel, and is adding to her
poetry and short story collections. She is currently working as a
supply teacher at Ysgol Gyfun Cwm Rhymni. Previously, she's worked as a
drama tutor and as an actress.

One comment

  1. Wonderful! Lucky kids at the Ysgol Gyfun Cwm to have such a talented and understanding teacher. I went to Ysgol in Caernarfon:
    When I was small
    Miss Jones told me off
    for breaking the drum
    during the music lesson. You
    bashed it too hard she said,
    and she gave me
    the triangle to hit instead. But gently
    she said. I found I couldn't
    break it
    no matter how hard I tried.
    Miss Jones beamed at me
    folded her arms
    and sighed with pride.
    Gwilym Williams

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