Eloise Unerman


Divorce for Dummies

Our divorce was a collection of digestive
biscuit meetings, the formalities of splitting
our elaborate throw cushion collection, who
would have the kids – a pair of ugly goat
mugs neither of us wanted but neither of us

would give away. I felt like we should’ve
been arguing over his Range Rover, yelling
across the drive about custody of some
annoying purse dog, spilling all our dirty
secrets onto the counsellor’s desk. All you do

is nag, nag, nag, he’d say. I’d flip my hair
and glare at him from behind obnoxious
black sunglasses, then launch into a rant
about how much I hated the hair he leaves
in the shower drain. I wanted to break

things, start rumours, invite friends over
to throw darts at pictures of him and refuse
calls from my retired in-laws. Instead
I felt like you do when you go shopping
but don’t find anything on your list.

Eloise Unerman is a writer based in South Yorkshire who writes poetry and short stories, and attends Rotherham Young Writers. She was awarded the Cuckoo Young Writers Award 2017 and was Young Poet in Residence at Ledbury Poetry Festival 2018.

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